my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
