Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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