i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
