yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
