I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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