The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
