"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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