Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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