fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
