If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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