ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
where am i from again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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