Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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