Already got asked if we're dating
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
