I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
