you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
