I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
