He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
