Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We have started to decorate penises.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
