Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
