I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
