My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
