I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
