Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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