i think my tv is drunk
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
