Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
