Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
