you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
