Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
