U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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