I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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