direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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