I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
