I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
