I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
