hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
