She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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