well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
