yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
