this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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