Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
