so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
