apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
