Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
