The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Life is so much better after having sex.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The ass gains better be worth it
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