Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
