I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This baby is an asshole
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Randomize
