Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this boner is exhausting
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
