A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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