I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
