Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
