I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
